Why We Shouldn't Be Surprised that Ariana Grande Hates America

Our near-and-dear pop-news culture is all a frenzy over Ariana Grande’s latest feat: the 22-year-old has licked a few donuts and proclaimed that she hates America. And why shouldn’t she? With so much obesity in America and so many donuts just sitting out there for anyone to lick, who can blame her for blaming America for the unholy donut in the first place?

But let’s back up a bit and review. On this occasional day in sunny California, a 22-year-old girl walks into a donut shop, where donuts are on display (a board of health violation, which the health department has begun to investigate). Then, the egotistical, extremely wealthy popstar singer proceeds to violate the aforementioned treats with her mouth. Then, when presented with even more donuts, the singer takes the stance that, basically, only America could embrace such a blatant disregard for human health by hosting these types of establishments in the first place.

So, why shouldn’t we be surprised? Has no one in the history of America said such a thing? Has no twenty-something with Hollywood-style-immunity ever done something idiotic? Heck, has no twenty-something without Hollywood-style-immunity ever done something so stupid?

Nay; in fact, many young people do lots of stupid things and say lots of stupid other things, often in public or even on camera (see newfangled digital contraption: YouTube). I mean, watch the video – the girl is out with a guy who’s wearing a bandana. Every father who has a daughter just shuddered at that sentence. What can we expect!?

So, I offer these 4 learned lessons, both for Ariana and for donut shops:

1. Don’t let fame go to your head

2. Watch for video cameras at all times – ‘Big Brother,’ hello?

3. If you’re a famous popstar in America – or anyone living in America, for that matter – don’t disrespect our country (you know, the one that made you famous in the first place)

4. If you own a donut shop in America, pray that a popstar singer walks into your store and violates your product (store revenue has tripled ).

5. If you own the donut shop Ariana visited, ask her to pay for the violated donuts, and then thank her for the free publicity by supplying her a free year’s worth of donuts without frosting (someone’s got to teach her a lesson, after all).

Does this qualify as an experiential campaign? I’m not sure, but what I do know is that if I were to open a donut shop, I know exactly who my spokesgirl would be.

This article thanks famous people everywhere who – through acts of stupidity – grow sales for businesses with no marketing budget.

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